The Vulnerability Loop
By being vulnerable with others, we create the chance for deeper connection.
photo by: Eric Mencher
What is vulnerability? How does it feel? What comes afterwards?
The vulnerability loop is something I love to work with. It is the idea that by sharing our fear/pain/struggles/deep selves with others we have the chance to create deeper connection. We are able to open up a feedback loop of trust and vulnerability that allows the other person to share with us too. We both nurture each other and feel a deeper and more profound connection. But someone must start.
You create connection by trusting someone enough to expose your vulnerability. And by feeling heard and that the other really wants to be there for you, a more profound relationship opens up. The other person also feels more inclined to share because you have opened up. Your “risk” in exposing makes the other person feel special and opens them up to become vulnerable too.
Allowing your vulnerability out is a chance to live in a deeper way with others. You show your true self and the other then feels comfortable sharing too. You in this way are bringing your inner and outer worlds together by sharing emotions.
Brene Brown, a social researcher in the area of vulnerability and shame defines vulnerability as “uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure.” In her early research, Brown found that people who felt worthiness about themselves:
*have strong connectivity with others as a result of being authentic, not who they think they should be
*fully embrace vulnerability, as what makes us vulnerable is also what makes us beautiful
”It's not that we're going to slowly build trust and then have the willingness to be vulnerable—it's actually this exchange of vulnerability between two people that creates that closeness”
In “How showing vulnerability helps build a stronger team”, author, Daniel Coyle, explores the exchange of vulnerability by referencing the work of Jeff Polzer, a professor of organizational behavior at Harvard. The article discusses the mechanics of the action of the vulnerability loop, which Coyle describes as follows:
A shared exchange of openness, it’s the most basic building block of cooperation and trust. Vulnerability loops seem swift and spontaneous, but they all follow the same steps:
1. Person A sends a signal of vulnerability.
2. Person B detects this signal.
3. Person B responds by signaling their own vulnerability.
4. Person A detects this signal.
5. A norm is established; closeness and trust increase.
Are there any places in your life that you would like to initiate this process?
Watch the feedback loop that vulnerability offers. Observe how the quality of your relationships offers a new space? A new life?
It all starts with allowing yourself to be vulnerable…
“When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability… To be alive is to be vulnerable.” Madeleine L’Engle
Are you interested in working on your personal development? Are you looking for a life coach or a life consultant? Are you feeling stagnant? Do you want to jumpstart change?
My transformational approach is a process where awareness, alignment, and action work together as catalysts to create momentum for change.
Awareness is knowing what you genuinely want and need.
Alignment is the symmetry between our values and our actions. It means our inner and outer worlds match.
Action is when you are conscious that what you say, do and think are in harmony with your values.
Together we build an understanding of what you want to accomplish, and delve deeply into building awareness around any thoughts and assumptions that you may already have. To truly transform your life, I will empower you to rethink what’s possible for you.
We will use tools from my psychology background to help you observe and uncover the hidden parts of yourself. We will also dive into the best of life and relationship coaching to find the answers you possess about yourself. The exchange of ideas will leave you brimming with practical solutions that help to change your life starting on Day One!
__
Learn more about my approach to life consulting and relationship coaching here or get in touch for your free 30-minute consultation here! Don’t forget to follow along @LilyManne on social for more regular updates!
