The Purpose of Emotions
"Emotions… are ancient mechanisms that provide moment-by-moment feedback information for individuals in relation to their motive-environment interactions, and provide the impetus for motivation and action…"
— Paul Gilbert
Have you ever felt your feelings jump out at you… you feel so much. Does it seem you are out of control? Or think you have gotten over something but that thing just never seems to end? Your feelings seem either too big, too loud, too long, or on the other hand, too muted, not enough, numb…?
Have you ever thought that maybe the problem isn’t your feelings?
Our feelings in our bodies are information. Emotions serve a tremendous purpose. They are the “first alert” system, they bypass the analyzing brain and land in the body and our nervous system. Emotions warn us about danger (fear), let us know that there is injustice (anger), make us feel connected to and appreciate loved ones (sadness), and alert us to avoid or distrust (disgust). Emotions serve an evolutionary purpose, they push us toward specific actions. They “move” us.
Evolutionary psychologists firmly believe emotions are innate adaptations that served as psychological responses to our ancestors in challenging situations. Emotions have a survival value. For example, fear is believed to exist in order to cope with dangers. In threatening circumstances, psychological mechanisms, such as the emotion of fear, activate so we can assess the situation and act effectively.
Emotions serve to help individuals process information, gain insights into themselves and the world around them, and guide their actions. In doing so, emotions help promote healing, personal growth, and well-being. As social beings, human emotional awareness is as important as paying attention to thoughts or actions.
Emotions generally serve three main functions for humans
To adapt to our environment: the brain triggers the appropriate chemicals to initiate a response that is designed to help us deal with our current circumstances. During a stressful situation that triggers your fight-or-flight response, the brain releases dopamine, adrenaline, and norepinephrine.
Enable meaningful social interactions with other people: expressing your love and appreciation for someone may generate stronger, deeper social bonds with that person.
Motivate us and prompt us to act: when you experience big, negative feelings of regret about a past action or decision, you often try to avoid making similar mistakes in the future.
There is no need to identify feelings as either positive or negative in this view because all emotions serve a purpose—from basic survival to learning how to thrive in your environment.
If all emotions actually serve a legitimate purpose how can it be that they feel so bad or the resulting behavior is so destructive?
There are several different pieces at play. We must separate the feeling of the emotion itself, the judgment and stories we attach to that emotion, and the behavior spawned by the emotion.
The first thing we need to do is to recognize what we are feeling in order to avoid emotional build-up. This involves practice through attention to the body where raw emotion is stored. Noticing and labeling our feelings is the first step to figuring out their message to us.
We must also consider why we are feeling the way we are, and whether it is related to an old problem or the current situation.
We need to notice if we are judging our feelings, trying to control them, associating them with old stories we have about ourselves, or being able to see them as they are.
The next part is having the space to pause and decide what kind of action we want to take. Emotion may call an action, but it is up to you to decide what action to take. You get to decide if the feeling is helpful and motivating. Or if the emotion is something old and stale, that really does not need attention.
Beware! If you try to avoid emotions they do not go away, they sit right below the surface waiting for their moment to express themselves. I often imagine them like the “Whack-A-Mole” carnival game… they just keep coming up. You hit one and another comes to the surface in its place. Avoiding doesn’t banish them.
Another metaphor (from Emily Negoski) is that emotions are like tunnels (not caves). Historically emotions have been treated as scary, unpredictable, and unknown… like a cave that is full of bears. You don’t get out. You just die inside. Instead, emotions are like tunnels, they are dark, uncomfortable, and can be painful but all you have to do is keep going and you will get to the other side. You pass through them. You don’t get stuck. You feel and feel and feel, and eventually, it passes. Everything passes.
According to Emotionally Focused Therapy change comes from accepting and experiencing underlying emotions, transforming them, and devising an alternate narrative. This means re-telling your story to yourself. Re-establishing your relationship to an emotion, rather than banning it from existence.
Are you interested in working on your personal development? Are you looking for a life coach or a life consultant? Are you feeling stagnant? Do you want to jumpstart change?
My transformational approach is a process where awareness, alignment, and action work together as catalysts to create momentum for change.
*Awareness is knowing what you genuinely want and need.
*Alignment is the symmetry between our values and our actions. It means our inner and outer worlds match.
*Action is when you are conscious that what you say, do and think are in harmony with your values.
Together we build an understanding of what you want to accomplish, and delve deeply into building awareness around any thoughts and assumptions that you may already have. To truly transform your life, I will empower you to rethink what’s possible for you.
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Learn more about my approach to life consulting and relationship coaching here or get in touch for your free 30-minute consultation here! Don’t forget to follow along @LilyManne on social for more regular updates!
