Moving Through Fear
This past week Sophia (8 years old) flew to New York City alone. She is mostly desperate for sleepovers at other people’s homes. She likes people and is generally very independent. She expressed a little bit of anxiety about being away from us for a week and being on the flight by herself, but it didn’t feel like a big deal. Both of my boys had flown alone with very few tears or even acknowledgment that it would be hard or scary to be away from us. So I underestimated it. I played down the drama without even realizing it.
We lived through a lesson about the power of mastering fear and moving through it. I saw clearly what I have been preaching: that if we move through our emotions, then we get to the other side. If we stay fearful, we continue to carry that fear to the same situation the next time around.
But first I’ll tell you what happened…
Sophia’s flight was scheduled for 11:55 pm on Thursday night, earlier that day we arrived back home to Antigua from the beach in time to pack her clothes, have dinner and relax together. She was obviously tired from a few busy and play-full beach days. She was teary. I could feel the emotion at the surface. And I validated and normalized that: of course she would be scared! Being scared before doing things for the first time is how it goes for most of us. And sometimes we can’t anticipate our fear until we are on the cusp of the situation.
So when Niels took her into the car to leave for the airport, our moment for goodbyes… she cried and really cried. It was super emotional, but they left and drove to the airport in record time. They listened to the soundtrack from “Coco” and sang together “Remember Me.” Niels is perfect at distraction and fun even when maneuvering traffic.
By the time they got to the airport, Sophia was back to normal: steady. But when they were at the bag drop, (it was about 10 PM) Sophia felt a huge wave of fear. They called me. Sophia cried: “Mommy I can’t do it. I can’t go.” I told her she didn’t have to go and of course, she was scared. We talked about the fun she was going to have and the plans for her time with my mom and she eventually decided she wanted to go. We talked about the cycle of fear… that when we give into fear, it becomes stronger. That when we move through our fear, the same situation becomes easier the next time around.
All the while, I wondered to myself why I assumed it would all be so easy. Why hadn’t I expected any drama? Why did I think she would just be fine? And as I noticed this I had to make sure I was able to acknowledge and reaffirm her feelings. I had to give her space to feel however she felt without pushing the feelings down or magnifying them. I want her to have a healthy relationship with her feelings. To know they are all valid and real, but not all require action. And learning to differentiate that is a big lesson.
So as I lay in bed, waiting to hear from Niels that her plane took off, I wondered if I had pushed her too hard to go. Had I minimized her emotion in any way? And then the universe sent me a message.
An old yoga friend of mine that I haven’t seen in at least three years sent me a message with a picture of herself and Sophia. They were seated next to each other on the plane. Alessandra had recognized Sophia even with the passage of time. And Sophia felt at ease knowing Alessandra was by her side. All the anxiety vanished. The fear was swept aside with the comfort of my friend. The universe gave Sophia a trusted adult and me the feeling that I could trust my instincts.
Sophia gained the experience that she could pass through her fear and survive. She saw that her fear was intense but would not conquer her or devour her. She saw that situations could change in a blink of an eye and suddenly stop being scary or threatening.
Sophia saw that the fear passes over her like a wave and also falls aside the same way. She had the chance to feel the impermanence of our emotions. And that is a powerful lesson!
Are you interested in working on your personal development? Are you looking for a life coach or a life consultant? Are you feeling stagnant? Do you want to jumpstart change?
My transformational approach is a process where awareness, alignment, and action work together as catalysts to create momentum for change.
*Awareness is knowing what you genuinely want and need.
*Alignment is the symmetry between our values and our actions. It means our inner and outer worlds match.
*Action is when you are conscious that what you say, do and think are in harmony with your values.
Together we build an understanding of what you want to accomplish, and delve deeply into building awareness around any thoughts and assumptions that you may already have. To truly transform your life, I will empower you to rethink what’s possible for you.
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