The Mugging and Feeling Powerful in The Face of Trauma

About two years ago I was robbed at knifepoint on an isolated trail near my house (those were Corona times). I was on my morning hike. I was (upon reflection) not being as conscientious as I could have been. I walked the same route at around the same time daily. I was predictable. I always had my iPhone with me and I was a target unbeknownst to me!

I passed my favorite older campesino, he calls me “Colocha” (Curly) and I am always happy for whatever jokes or conversation he feels like having. I continued my hike up the mountain. I was not the tiniest bit afraid. I went every day! I sweat, listen to podcasts, call friends & family, leave heaving voice messages, post to Instagram, write emails... It is what I learned to do during the pandemic. Hiking became the solver of my problems. The emotional release space, as well as, the practical time and space I needed to get centered, surrounded by nature, and sweaty!

That day when I reached the place I turn around (a little over a mile up), a guy with a mask, not a coronavirus mask, a ski mask—- a mugger mask... came at me screaming for my phone and to be quiet. As he swung a stick at Puma, I moved towards him, instinctually protecting my dog. All the while screaming like a banshee... 

He had a big stick and a little knife. He was stocky and a little taller than me.

I threw my phone through the air, thinking that if he goes to retrieve it I can get away... He did go to retrieve it but came back at me. I fell to the ground, wrestled the stick away from him, hit him with the stick, and kicked him a few times until he ran away.

I made my way down the mountain. Screaming all the while... people helped me call Niels. I had a few bruises and scratches... I was sweaty, and dusty, with twigs in my hair and dirt in my ears. I ran down the mountain, with the mugger's stick in my hand. For protection? A trophy? Power?

I had the feeling of being victorious. Robbing the stick from the robber, left me feeling like the hero of my story. I wasn’t physically injured. I was shaken up. I was high on adrenaline.

Why am I telling you this story? Well,  I have been noticing with my clients and also in the work of my favorite clinicians, the same truth coming up over and over again: that the sense of agency and being instrumental is key to processing unwelcome experiences. It is a main ingredient in whether our experience is processed as traumatic or not. 

Am I an active participant? 

Am I able to shape change? 

Can I comfort myself? 

Can I understand my hurt and feel like a competent person?

In my story, I was lucky. I felt powerful. I was somehow able to get the stick away and hit the assailant.  I felt I had won. This is not possible in many stories. Many traumatic stories involve children who are powerless or adults in incomparable situations. So how do we move the overwhelming experience into something digestible? How can we retell the story with us feeling powerful? 

We think about trauma as a wound that gets stuck. It defines life and who we are. Life feels chaotic. There are frightening, alien, and unacceptable emotions. The coping mechanism for the trauma usually keeps the person stuck in trauma.

How Do We Find A Way Out?

Create a narrative that makes sense. A predictable narrative. Clarity and ordering experience enables us to shape a coherent sense of a competent self that can deal with core human dilemmas (e.g., mortality, isolation) and become a fully alive human being.

We learn to accept and hold our vulnerable self that was wounded. We act in the world rather than being passive and having everything happen to us. This means actively transforming fear rather than passively living it. It means questioning negative automatic thoughts and schemas that sit in our brain like facts. This means creating a new kind of self-talk. This means self-compassion. This means looking at our triggers and gaining deeper insight and a felt sense in our bodies.

We must look at the words and labels we use that lead us to feel like we have no active antidote. 

Before being able to assert ourselves and actively transform anything,  we must know what we want and need and take the time for figuring it out.

And if you have been through trauma and feel swallowed by it, find a therapist that you feel safe with and start the deep dive.

Are you interested in working on your personal development? Are you looking for a life coach or a life consultant? Are you feeling stagnant? Do you want to jumpstart change?

 My transformational approach is a process where awareness, alignment, and action work together as catalysts to create momentum for change. 

*Awareness is knowing what you genuinely want and need.

*Alignment is the symmetry between our values and our actions. It means our inner and outer worlds match.

*Action is when you are conscious that what you say, do and think are in harmony with your values.

Together we build an understanding of what you want to accomplish, and delve deeply into building awareness around any thoughts and assumptions that you may already have. To truly transform your life, I will empower you to rethink what’s possible for you.

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Learn more about my approach to life consulting and relationship coaching here or get in touch for your free 30-minute consultation here! Don’t forget to follow along @LilyManne on social for more regular updates!