How to Support and Validate
We all have had the situation of not knowing how to support a lover, friend, child, or family member when they are in pain. I’m talking about being emotional, upset, angry, hurt, sad, overwhelmed… all of it. Sometimes it is confusing and hard to help. Start by thinking about:
What do you need when you’re upset?
I need to feel understood.
I need to feel like I’m normal.
I need to feel like I’m not crazy.
I need to feel like the way I reacted was a normal reaction.
Then after feeling all of that understanding and compassion, I can then be ready to hear about practical solutions.
Sometimes when someone is in need, we move so fast into problem-solving mode. Problem-solving mode is really helpful once a person has stabilized and doesn’t feel like they are out of their mind. So before you begin to offer advice, give the person in crisis the feeling that you have time and are there to understand them.
How do you show someone that you’re there to understand them?
Asking questions
Exploring their feelings
Commiserating with their experience without imposing a judgment.
Validate their experience. (“Wow, that must have been hard.” “I can’t imagine how that felt.” “That is difficult.” “I would be angry too.” “I can see why you would feel that way.” “That makes sense to me.” “I can see that you’re in a lot of pain right now.” “I can see why you’re feeling so scared right now.” “That must feel so frustrating for you.” “I can see how that can make you feel really sad.” )
You can even bring up a situation where you felt similar showing that you can relate to the feeling that they are having.
How do you give that person in crisis the feeling that you have time and are present?
Speaking slowly.
Repeating and reflecting their words.
Open body language.
Body comfort (holding hands, a hug, a hand on their leg, etc…)
Rember to avoid the pitfall of trying to “fix their problem.” Often, we can feel uncomfortable with someone else’s pain and want to take it away for them. But that doesn’t really help…
Are you interested in working on your personal development? Are you looking for a life coach or a life consultant? Are you feeling stagnant? Do you want to jumpstart change?
My transformational approach is a process where awareness, alignment, and action work together as catalysts to create momentum for change.
*Awareness is knowing what you genuinely want and need.
*Alignment is the symmetry between our values and our actions. It means our inner and outer worlds match.
*Action is when you are conscious that what you say, do and think are in harmony with your values.
Together we build an understanding of what you want to accomplish, and delve deeply into building awareness around any thoughts and assumptions that you may already have. To truly transform your life, I will empower you to rethink what’s possible for you.
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Learn more about my approach to life consulting and relationship coaching here or get in touch for your free 30-minute consultation here! Don’t forget to follow along @LilyManne on social for more regular updates!
