Questions to Help Decide If Your Partner is “The One”

Are you on the fence? Going in circles trying to decide if your partner is “the one?” (I’m not sure about the whole concept of “the one” to be truthful. I think it is a Disney movie construct… that’s another topic). 

Do you need help figuring out if the relationship is worth deepening and pursuing? Do you wonder if your partner has the potential to be something longer-lasting? 

According to the Gottmans, 67% of problems are unresolvable, which means you will have to live with and learn to accept them. Choosing a partner is choosing a distinctive set of traits.

I have created the following questions and prompts to help you sort through all of the emotions and information you have about your relationship, your personal patterns, and your needs:

Is there a barrier or blockage in the relationship?

How did the relationship unfold? Were there conscious decisions made in deepening and into commitment? Or did it chaotically unfold and just happen?

Do you have experiences of self-sabotage? Do you have a fear of intimacy? 

What happens when there’s a disagreement between you?

How does your partner handle anger?

When things aren’t okay how do you cope? When there’s a conflict how do you resolve it? Is there a rigid pattern or does it change? Is one of you reliably giving the silent treatment, attacking, always apologizing, or going away?

How do your conflict styles compare?

Are there fundamental mismatches?

Meta-Emotions: (One of you is emotionally expressive and values emotions while the other has trouble identifying and expressing emotions, or is emotion dismissing). 

Do you have difficulty connecting when one person is sad, angry, or just needs affection or support?

How do you like to be shown affection? How do you like to be shown love?

Can you be vulnerable together?

How did your family of origin express love? How did your family express anger? What about your partner?

How do you make meaning in your life? How does your partner make meaning in their life? Do you feel supported in your life’s mission? Can you support your partner in their mission? 

Is your partner generous?

How do your desire and your partner’s desire match up?

Here are some ideas to think about and help you decide… And of course, talk to your partner about your thoughts. How can you build a life with someone if you can’t bring up your doubts, fears, and needs?

Are you interested in working on your personal development? Are you looking for a life coach or a life consultant? Are you feeling stagnant? Do you want to jumpstart change?

 My transformational approach is a process where awareness, alignment, and action work together as catalysts to create momentum for change. 

*Awareness is knowing what you genuinely want and need.

*Alignment is the symmetry between our values and our actions. It means our inner and outer worlds match.

*Action is when you are conscious that what you say, do and think are in harmony with your values.

Together we build an understanding of what you want to accomplish, and delve deeply into building awareness around any thoughts and assumptions that you may already have. To truly transform your life, I will empower you to rethink what’s possible for you.

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Learn more about my approach to life consulting and relationship coaching here or get in touch for your free 30-minute consultation here! Don’t forget to follow along @LilyManne on social for more regular updates!