Radical Responsibility and Old Wounds
We all have situations in which we wished we had behaved better. We wish we had been more open, less defensive, more curious, and more understanding of others…. It happens to me, It especially happens when the other person unknowingly touches one of my triggers. I like to think of a trigger as an old wound that we have from carrying a heavy backpack for years. That backpack bumps into the same spot on our bodies day after day. And any time anyone bumps into the backpack, it bumps into the old wound which causes us pain. The other person has no idea they have bumped into this painful wound and we can’t help but react. Pain!
This backpack analogy works for whatever kind of wound we have been carrying. We are highly sensitive in that spot but don’t try to get rid of the backpack, instead, we hope everyone will avoid bumping into us. By taking radical responsibility, we stop blaming others for touching our wound. We start to cure our wound, we put ointment on it and a band-aid. Maybe we even begin to take the painful rocks out of the backpack… We stop avoiding the triggers and instead work on unpacking our pain. We look at ourselves honestly and begin to notice the patterns of our reactions and our hurt. We look inward.
PROMPTS FOR TAKING RADICAL RESPONSIBILITY:
1. What did I learn from that interaction?
2. How can I be a better version of myself the next time I face these emotions?
3. What unconscious payoff did I get in that situation (ie—l get to feel alone, misunderstood, or not considered.) These are almost always tied to the emotions we felt in childhood with parent figures.
4. In what areas do I blame other people for my actions?
5. Have l been curious, asked questions, and clearly communicated my needs, or have I expected people to just know what I need?
6. Am I empowering myself, or am I speaking to myself in a way a harsh parent would?
7. Am I conscious of the energy I bring to a room, to my relationships, and to strangers?
8. When things don't go “my way" do | react from a space of entitlement (demanding, or having tantrums), or do I respond from a space of grounded confidence?
9. When someone gives me feedback on how they're experiencing me, do I reflect on it? Do I become defensive or immediately deflect?
10. Am trying to unconsciously control people, or do I have clear boundaries that allow me to feel calm and relaxed?
Are you interested in working on your personal development? Are you looking for a life coach or a life consultant? Are you feeling stagnant? Do you want to jumpstart change?
My transformational approach is a process where awareness, alignment, and action work together as catalysts to create momentum for change.
*Awareness is knowing what you genuinely want and need.
*Alignment is the symmetry between our values and our actions. It means our inner and outer worlds match.
*Action is when you are conscious that what you say, do and think are in harmony with your values.
Together we build an understanding of what you want to accomplish, and delve deeply into building awareness around any thoughts and assumptions that you may already have. To truly transform your life, I will empower you to rethink what’s possible for you.
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Learn more about my approach to life consulting and relationship coaching here or get in touch for your free 30-minute consultation here! Don’t forget to follow along @LilyManne on social for more regular updates!
