Relational Self Awareness
What is growth and development? How do we measure if we are growing as adults? Is there a meaningful scale to look at how we are developing?
I believe “relational self-awareness” is a brilliant concept and a very helpful lens to view our self-growth and our relationships. Alexandra Solomon has brought this term to the forefront of discussions about love, relationships and dating. It is an important tool to understand ourselves and deepen our understanding about our relationship with the world around us.
Relational self-awareness is the ability to take a curious stance on yourself.
People who have relational self-awareness can:
Talk about their earlier relational experiences and how they shaped their relationships today.
Turn their attention inward and name what they are feeling, rather than just acting out what they are feeling.
View a relationship problem as a combination of mutual mistakes rather than a black-and-white story in which 1 partner is to blame.
Listen to feedback about themselves without getting defensive or running away.
When we begin to understand ourselves in this relationally self-aware way:
We come to know ourselves via our connections to others.
We recognize that we are not separate from our contexts.
We are a work in-progress and our experiences continue to shape us. (Our true self is less about a fixed identity and more about a state of being)
What if the true self is that state of having moment-to-moment access to our inner experience so that we can:
Savor the goodness around and within us.
State our needs/wants/preferences.
Evaluate when it is time to step away from an interaction.
Relational Self-Awareness Questions for you:
The setting in which I feel most present is...
I feel most present when I am with...
It is easiest for me to savor when I am with...
It is easiest for me to savor when I feel...
I am able to ask for what I need when I am...
I know it is time for me to pivot when...
I crave situations in which...
Recognizing what it feels like when you are in the midst of turbulence can help you out of the cycle.
Awareness is the light that helps break unconscious habit patterns. Training the mind to become comfortable in the present moment will help you have the strength to pull yourself out of the old pattern.
Are you looking for help with your relationship? Do you feel that a relationship coach could help you working on your couples skills? Is communication an issue? Have you ever considered couples therapy or counseling? As a psychotherapist and relationship coach, I am uniquely positioned to help you through these moments of disconnect and conflict.
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Learn more about my approach to life consulting and relationship coaching here or get in touch for your free 30-minute consultation here! Don’t forget to follow along @LilyManne on social for more regular updates!
