Our Little Monitor and How to Break Free
The way we interpret is often what makes things become good or bad… It is our value judgment: whether this judgment is about the success of an evening, how well we performed on an exam, how well our husband showed his love, how well-behaved our children are, how chaotic life is, how acceptable/unacceptable our feelings are, etc… With all of these situations there is a situation/activating event and our judgment of it. Our judgment is what colors how we feel.
Some call these meta-emotions (how we feel about how we feel), others speak about expectations, others about cognitive distortions, hot thoughts, etc… Across the board, our level of happiness is guided by our ability to notice the difference between the event/trigger/feeling/ and how we code it. Our coding system (in terms of acceptability, expectations, desires, or whether it was personal), defines how we will feel. I’ll say it again: HOW WE CODE EVENTS DEFINES HOW WE FEEL ABOUT THE EVENT ITSELF!
So how do we separate a feeling, event, trigger, situation, or even a thought and the way we code or judge it?
Start to notice that you are labeling, expecting, and judging.
Notice if there are certain themes that receive extra attention from your internal little monitor/judger. (Most of us have particular themes that we put special attention to and are extra critical around. Some call these triggers, sensitivities, etc…)
While noticing, don’t do anything. No action is necessary.
Ask yourself: is it my judgment that creates unhappiness or the thing in itself? Can I observe the situation and draw a different conclusion? Are there many interpretations? Am I approaching this situation with curiosity or do I assume I know exactly what is going on? What assumptions do I make? Are my assumptions old and static?
Notice when your little monitor comes up judging… How can you change things just by being aware?
Inspired by Emily Negoski’s “Come As You Are.”
Are you interested in working on your personal development? Are you looking for a life coach or a life consultant? Are you feeling stagnant? Do you want to jumpstart change?
My transformational approach is a process where awareness, alignment, and action work together as catalysts to create momentum for change.
*Awareness is knowing what you genuinely want and need.
*Alignment is the symmetry between our values and our actions. It means our inner and outer worlds match.
*Action is when you are conscious that what you say, do and think are in harmony with your values.
Together we build an understanding of what you want to accomplish, and delve deeply into building awareness around any thoughts and assumptions that you may already have. To truly transform your life, I will empower you to rethink what’s possible for you.
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Learn more about my approach to life consulting and relationship coaching here or get in touch for your free 30-minute consultation here! Don’t forget to follow along @LilyManne on social for more regular updates!
