Unpacking Old Stories Part II

We started out talking about old stories (see the initial blog) that seem to invade our lives. We have feelings that seem unrecognizably big in comparison to what triggered them. We get stuck in a loop and don’t know how to get out. We have some stories that seem to grab us from our past and we just don’t know how to reprocess them.

We started out by just re-telling the story. First, as an observer, as if the story is being reported. Then we fill in the feelings, emotional color, the triggers, the backstory…

Part two involves working with your journal, writing and giving that person you were (often it is your little person… your little girl or boy) the chance to be heard. The little girl is safe now to express her unmet need or her desire for something else. Our adult self has the chance to see the little person in all her wants and needs. Our little self gets to be seen. Our little person is heard. Our little person is safe enough to express. And our adult self gets to be a witness. Our adult self can soothe that vulnerable little person inside for what he/she experienced. We do not right wrongs, but the feeling of being seen or heard and okay in what we are is huge.

The adult self also has a choice about the story.  We get the opportunity to look it over with fresh eyes. We get to choose that something being “intense” does NOT mean it is too much for us. We get to re-evaluate what we are capable of. We get to see the past, acknowledge our feelings whether they were voiced or silenced, and decide about what comes next.

Working with a trusted guide is very useful at this point, as being seen and acknowledged by another can be very powerful. Having someone else see our struggles and our perspective, makes us feel we are not crazy and not wrong. Having an emotion coach on our side, giving reassurance, helping us unravel our stories and emotions moment by moment, helping us to move deeper into our core allows us to move more profoundly into ourselves.

An emotion coach helps you to recognize if your emotions are over or under-regulated, are they productive or unproductive, are there implicit needs or concerns that underlie the feelings? Sometimes the counselor only accompanies you with empathetic affirmation as you unpack your old stories. Sometimes you need help to feel the experience in a somatic sense and your coach guides you to feel the story in your body experientially. Moving you from a detached state to presence. Sometimes you need help to assert yourself and soften the critic inside, to help accept and integrate the self. Sometimes you need help to let go of resentments and unmet needs. Sometimes you need to let go of an old version of yourself that no longer holds true. 

By sharing stories and receiving an empathetic response, we can form a stronger sense of self, feel our experience confirmed, feel more committed to our feelings and who we are. Feelings demand recognition or else they escalate or go underground. By sharing our stories and unpacking them and deciding if the old stories hold true or need to be retold in a new way, we become actors in our lives. We get recognized and can untangle the old complications.

The change from passive experience to an active participant can be all the difference between being triggered and peaceful.

Get your journal out and use this blog as a prompt. Give yourself the space to brainstorm and free associate with whatever comes to mind. Take the space.

Are you interested in working on your personal development? Are you looking for a life coach or a life consultant? Are you feeling stagnant? Do you want to jumpstart change?

 My transformational approach is a process where awareness, alignment, and action work together as catalysts to create momentum for change. 

*Awareness is knowing what you genuinely want and need.

*Alignment is the symmetry between our values and our actions. It means our inner and outer worlds match.

*Action is when you are conscious that what you say, do and think are in harmony with your values.

Together we build an understanding of what you want to accomplish, and delve deeply into building awareness around any thoughts and assumptions that you may already have. To truly transform your life, I will empower you to rethink what’s possible for you.

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Learn more about my approach to life consulting and relationship coaching here or get in touch for your free 30-minute consultation here! Don’t forget to follow along @LilyManne on social for more regular updates!