Must Read Books for Understanding Relationships and Improving Communication
Here are my favorite books to understand relationship patterns, communication blocks and how to improve relationships.
These nonfiction self-help books really deliver either specific tools or deep concepts that will move you and give you a depth of understanding of yourself and the world.
There are some books that you will keep going back to. You will go over and over them in your head. You will need to reread that page that made so much sense.
In the modern era of audiobooks, I have learned that if I really like a book, it is not enough to listen to it. I must purchase a physical copy so I can keep going back in.
So here’s my current list:
Brené Brown’s Atlas of the Heart was so good that I could only listen to ten or fifteen minutes a day because if I listened to more, I could not digest the truly deep concepts. Brené explores our emotions in groupings that are very relevant and shed so much light on why and how our emotions unfold. I recommend this book to countless friends and clients, and everyone found something moving that spoke to them.
Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson walks laypeople through the conversations they need to have with their partners to deepen connection and understanding. Sue is so funny and speaks to the audience in such an open way that you can really feel her messages. The cycles of couples’ conflict are presented in a way that helps us all understand that we aren’t crazy. The science of love is presented as something we can work with.
Why Won’t You Apologize by Harriet Lerner, through the use of client vignettes and personal storytelling, truly helps us understand why apologies are effective and why not. Harriet sheds light on so many other related topics with her easygoing manner and intelligence.
The New Rules of Marriage by Terry Real is an instructional bible. Terry lays out tools, explanations, and the do’s and don’ts brilliantly. We understand new concepts of boundaries, of requests instead of criticism, the "us" mentality. This one is really worth reading together with your partner. (I also love Us and believe it is worth reading. It explores our current crisis of relationships within the cultural context).
Fight Right by John and Julie Gottman is amazing. I’ve read many of their other books, but this one is my favorite. It lays out their interventions, when and why to use them, and explores the underbelly of a fight. It is brilliantly thorough. Another great book to read with your partner.
All of these books are worth reading if you are single too.
Check out these blogs to gain more understanding and tools for relationship growth:
The three reasons for every relationship conflict
Letting go of grudges and resentment
How to understand relationship patterns
My favorite relationship podcasts
Transform criticism into requests
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