Meta Emotions

You probably don't know this: but it isn’t what you feel that upsets you, but how you judge your feelings.

Meta-emotions are the way we feel about our feelings. They are the judgments about what is preferable, good, bad, and unpleasant; what we strive for, and what we run from… Studies have shown that it isn’t how we feel that defines our happiness, but how we judge our feelings. These meta-emotions also play a critical role in relationships because when people have certain feelings that they can’t/don’t want to access that clashes with those of their loved ones, a conflict arises.

Our inability to access or desire to block certain emotions, because we label them as negative, can create significant barriers to clear communication and intimacy. If we can notice our emotions and our feelings about the emotions, we have a better chance at realizing what we actually feel versus the emotions we are reacting to not wanting to feel.

For example, with anxiety it isn’t the symptoms that predict how much your life is disrupted, it's how you feel about the symptoms. It's how you feel about how you feel. And people who feel nonjudging about their feelings do better.

The first step to get on the path of non-judgment is awareness. So start by asking yourself some questions about The History and Philosophy of Your Emotions:

Anger

What is the history of your experience with the emotion of anger? Could you tell if your parents were angry? What was this experience like for you? Could your parents tell if you were angry? How did they react to your anger? What was it like in your family growing up?

Sadness

What is the history of your experience with the emotion of sadness? Could you tell if your parents were sad? What was this experience like for you? Could your parents tell if you were sad? How did they react to your sadness? What was it like in your family growing up?

Fear

What is the history of your experience with the emotion of fear? How did your family respond when you felt insecure? Could you tell if your parents were afraid? What was this experience like for you? Could your parents tell if you were afraid or worried? How did they react to your fears? How do you deal with worries and fears now? What was it like in your family growing up?

Love

What is the history of your experience with the emotion of love? How did your parents show you that they loved you? Was your family growing up very affectionate? What was this experience like for you? Could your parents tell if you needed affection? How did they react to your need for affection and love? What was it like in your family growing up?

Pride

What is the history of your experience with the emotion of pride? How did your parents show you that they were proud of you? Could you tell if your parents were proud of your accomplishments? What was this experience like for you? Could your parents tell if you wanted them to be proud of you? How did they react to your achievements and triumphs?

Your Philosophy About Expressing Negative Emotion

What is your philosophy about expressing emotion? What was it like in your family growing up? Are there differences between you and your partner in the expression and experience of emotion? What role do these differences play in your relationship?

Are you interested in working on your personal development? Are you looking for a life coach or a life consultant? Are you feeling stagnant? Do you want to jumpstart change?

 My transformational approach is a process where awareness, alignment, and action work together as catalysts to create momentum for change. 

*Awareness is knowing what you genuinely want and need.

*Alignment is the symmetry between our values and our actions. It means our inner and outer worlds match.

*Action is when you are conscious that what you say, do and think are in harmony with your values.

Together we build an understanding of what you want to accomplish, and delve deeply into building awareness around any thoughts and assumptions that you may already have. To truly transform your life, I will empower you to rethink what’s possible for you.

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Learn more about my approach to life consulting and relationship coaching here or get in touch for your free 30-minute consultation here! Don’t forget to follow along @LilyManne on social for more regular updates!