The Power of Choice… A Personal Story

The transition from living in Guatemala to Portugal has been daunting and exciting, creating ease and tension, feels safe and foreign, from insider to outsider… There have been so many contradictions and challenges. And my framework for thinking has defined each one as positive or negative.

I could talk for ages about the internal conflicts I have been working through… including trying to be “easy” and then feeling so much resentment for MUTING myself.

But the big thing I want to share today is about the feeling of having choice. Many of you know that the move to Portugal wasn’t my initiation. I was at best going with a new adventure and at worst was being forced. My husband for many years felt that he no longer belonged in Guatemala for many reasons. Chief among them was the need to be closer to his aging parents, followed by the need for more security, a better functioning state, safety, healthcare and the European mentality. He felt our kids would have major advantages.

I knew so many of these things to be true. I had been stalling for several years. And during the pandemic when the kids in Guatemala were in virtual school, while the rest of the world was back learning in person, I was finally convinced to make the move. But I stalled a little more until Niels put the pressure on. We moved to Europe in May 2023.

I was heartbroken and grieving. I could see the advantages for everyone but me. I knew there were some for me too, but those advantages didn’t really make it onto my list of priorities. I went. I held my resentments. I lashed out when I was particularly challenged by the day-to-day life. Each time Niels disappointed me, my resentment came out like spitting fire: “you brought me here!” “You forced me!” “I had no choice!”

We were going round and round. I felt I hadn’t chosen my new life, but was instead in the terrible position of being selfish. Wanting for myself one life that was not the best for everyone else. Niels said to me numerous times that he would never live in Guatemala again.

I was faced with the feeling that I either would live in Portugal or break up my family.

I was in crisis this week. We had just returned from 5 weeks in Guatemala. The weather turned cold. It was raining. I was alone. My bubbling and exciting social network in Guatemala was nowhere nearby. I was again faced with the slow pace of renovations and the inability to have things just as I liked. Our car was stolen. Skyler vomited all over the floor in a middle of the night siege (that I was awakened to cleaning up at 1am from deep sleep). 

First world problems. 

And I freaked out in the morning. My unhappiness. My loss. My lack of choice.

Niels surprised me. He told me that he was willing to go back and live in Guatemala. That my unhappiness mattered. That my need for friendships and mountains to climb and instability and the aliveness and color in Guatemala was as important as his need for Europe.

And with his swift turn and acknowledgement of my needs, I suddenly was not so certain. As I was given the choice and the responsibility to decide what is best for all, I suddenly could not say “stop the container! Let’s go back to Guatemala!” The moment I had the space to choose and not be rocked by my feeling of being in a corner, I no longer am able to say Guatemala is the best choice.

I have now been gifted the feeling of freedom. The feeling that I can do what I want. I am now in the murky space of what is best for all. I now need to truly consider beyond my desire to what is the best long-term solution.

And guess what? We are staying in Portugal. At least for the foreseeable future and I feel okay because I am part of the decision.

Are you interested in working on your personal development? Are you looking for a life coach or a life consultant? Are you feeling stagnant? Do you want to jumpstart change?

 My transformational approach is a process where awareness, alignment, and action work together as catalysts to create momentum for change. 

*Awareness is knowing what you genuinely want and need.

*Alignment is the symmetry between our values and our actions. It means our inner and outer worlds match.

*Action is when you are conscious that what you say, do and think are in harmony with your values.

Together we build an understanding of what you want to accomplish, and delve deeply into building awareness around any thoughts and assumptions that you may already have. To truly transform your life, I will empower you to rethink what’s possible for you.

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Learn more about my approach to life consulting and relationship coaching here or get in touch for your free 30-minute consultation here! Don’t forget to follow along @LilyManne on social for more regular updates!