Intentions versus Expectations
As a child, I always struggled with high expectations and the resulting disappointment. I created elaborate visions and fantasies of the future. Reality didn’t measure up. How can we create our best possible future if we don’t strive? And at the same time protect ourselves from disappointment? We must understand the difference between intentions and expectations to navigate the subtleties.
Expectations refer to beliefs or assumptions we have about how things should be or how people should behave. Expectations are often based on our past experiences, societal norms, or personal preferences. They are automatic responses from our minds.
Expectations cause us to project our ideas onto a situation. We’re putting people and circumstances into boxes. And those boxes often have negative labels. It’s what we focus on that catches our attention and we interpret everything we experience according to our expectations.
Intentions, on the other hand, refer to the goals or purposes we have chosen for our own behavior. They are conscious choices. An intention is also what we bring into a situation. It is a holistic, embodied state. We focus our attention and awareness on what we’d like to bring into the situation for it to be a good experience. Intentions are typically based on our personal values and desires.
A core difference between intentions and expectations is choice. Expectations are passed on to us either through culture or our past experiences or our family dynamic. Intentions are conscious choices we make in our lives about how we want to live. There’s nothing unconscious about them. Expectations are formed habitually and happen in our default, autopilot mode. Expectations narrow our experience and those of others. Setting an intention and embodying it is an act of liberation. Having an intention opens up new possibilities for a situation to develop.
Another key difference between expectations and intentions is that expectations are focused on external factors, while intentions are focused on our internal motivation. When we have expectations, we are looking for others to meet our needs or desires. When we have intentions, we are focused on our own actions and our goals.
Intentions are necessary for us to imagine what we want for ourselves and our lives. Expectations are the gauge by which we can measure our progress toward what we set out to accomplish.
The problem with expectations is that they can lead to disappointment and conflict when they are not met. When we expect others to behave in a certain way or for things to go a certain way, we set ourselves up for disappointment. With intentions, we have control over our own behavior and can work towards our goals regardless of external circumstances.
In relationships, our intention can shift the way things play out, while our expectations are based on an idea in our head that no one else knows about if we don’t share it. When we confuse intention with expectation, we can set ourselves up for disappointment, frustration, or even resentment. If we expect someone to act in a certain way based on our past experiences with them, and they don't meet our expectations, we may feel sad or frustrated. But, if we focus on our intention to communicate our needs and feelings clearly, we can take responsibility for our own actions and avoid getting caught up in unrealistic ideas about the future.
I’m going to say something that many of you will think is crazy, but: Setting goals can actually be the worst thing to do if you want to make progress. Goals set us up for failure because they assume where we are in life now is not enough. And once we achieve a goal, we're often left dissatisfied and confused about what to do next. By focusing on systems and intentions we can make progress and create achievements. Intentions open the door for our dreams of the future. They show us possibilities. They help us imagine…
Are you interested in working on your personal development? Are you looking for a life coach or a life consultant? Are you feeling stagnant? Do you want to jumpstart change?
My transformational approach is a process where awareness, alignment, and action work together as catalysts to create momentum for change.
*Awareness is knowing what you genuinely want and need.
*Alignment is the symmetry between our values and our actions. It means our inner and outer worlds match.
*Action is when you are conscious that what you say, do and think are in harmony with your values.
Together we build an understanding of what you want to accomplish, and delve deeply into building awareness around any thoughts and assumptions that you may already have. To truly transform your life, I will empower you to rethink what’s possible for you.
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Learn more about my approach to life consulting and relationship coaching here or get in touch for your free 30-minute consultation here! Don’t forget to follow along @LilyManne on social for more regular updates!
