Coping Mechanisms and The Couple Cycle

In the old days we called our coping mechanisms defenses. We all have them! Our coping mechanisms fit us perfectly and are built to protect us from our family system, culture and our specific biological make-up.  They are the adaptations the mind makes to help us cope with and manage unbearable feelings and conflicts. They are adaptive in their original environment.

Over time, they become entrenched. We are stuck in them, they are our go-to moves and our automatic reactions.

When our current environment calls for a new response but we continue to respond with our old defenses, they can become un-helpful and hurtful. They can block our connection to our core sense of self, as well as our connection to others.

Our coping mechanism often conceal a sore spot or an old wound. When we are in relationships, our wounds often rub up against that of our partner and we can get stuck in a pattern or a cycle. One partner’s actions trigger the other and then they both get stuck in a loop. Our cycle with our partner is inextricably connected to our old stories and triggers. When we begin to unpack our stories, we can create more space for new reactions in our cycle with each other.

Are you looking for help with your relationship? Do you feel that a relationship coach could help you working on your couples skills? Is communication an issue? Have you ever considered couples therapy or counseling? As a psychotherapist and relationship coach, I am uniquely positioned to help you through these moments of disconnect and conflict.

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Learn more about my approach to life consulting and relationship coaching here or get in touch for your free 30-minute consultation here! Don’t forget to follow along @LilyManne on social for more regular updates!