Leverage and Parenting
My 15-year-old son recently mentioned that we don’t have as much leverage anymore. My response? Hallelujah! I don’t want leverage. I don’t want to be in a power-over relationship, although I do recognize that as a parent, we do have power over certain aspects of our children's lives.
I prefer natural consequences to punishment. I want to keep safe boundaries and create an atmosphere of respect and care. However, there are moments when power, leverage, and dominance come into play. We establish rules of behavior and care that we expect from everyone in our community. We feel a responsibility to raise our kids with an understanding of how to function in society – how to give and receive love, repair when we err, express needs and hurts, take responsibility, be team players, pursue happiness, embrace curiosity, show gratitude, take risks, and chase their dreams.
But at 15, it seems we may have reached a point where leverage isn’t as relevant anymore. While I wish leverage was never part of the equation, I guess it was.
So when my intelligent 15-year-old engages in a battle of wills with us, I must reflect. Do I want to punish him by taking away his cell phone? Do I want to withhold to bend him to my my will?
NO! I really don’t! I want another way. I don’t want fear of my reactions or manufactured consequences to drive his behavior. I want him to value my opinion because he respects me.
I also say no. I don’t believe in saying yes to avoid conflict. And I volunteer my opinions. And I loudly contest when he is not behaving in a nice way. I'm not always in control, and I have to apologize (and often). I make my share of mistakes. And as Luca has pointed out, one of my biggest challenges is making assumptions and jumping to conclusions. And he's right.
By prioritizing empathy and communication, we help our children develop emotional intelligence. This enables them to recognize, understand, and manage their own emotions, as well as empathize with others. They become analytical and capable of assessing situations and considering the various options. While they won’t always make the "right" decision, they develop a kind of awareness and savvy.
Are you interested in working on your personal development? Are you looking for a life coach or a life consultant? Are you feeling stagnant? Do you want to jumpstart change?
My transformational approach is a process where awareness, alignment, and action work together as catalysts to create momentum for change.
*Awareness is knowing what you genuinely want and need.
*Alignment is the symmetry between our values and our actions. It means our inner and outer worlds match.
*Action is when you are conscious that what you say, do and think are in harmony with your values.
Together we build an understanding of what you want to accomplish, and delve deeply into building awareness around any thoughts and assumptions that you may already have. To truly transform your life, I will empower you to rethink what’s possible for you.
__
Learn more about my approach to life consulting and relationship coaching here or get in touch for your free 30-minute consultation here! Don’t forget to follow along @LilyManne on social for more regular updates!
